Emotions are a complicated business, we all have them, even if some people try to ignore them. It’s important to say we should have emotions, and it is more than OK to show them. They are what make us human. The most important is to be happy, otherwise what’s the point of dealing with shit if you can’t then enjoy life. To start off with I want to outline what I think makes up the essence of being happy. The core blocks we can split modern life into, that we need to make sure are balanced and present. Without one of them I don’t think we can truly be happy, and everyone should be happy. Below is my representation I’ll refer to as ‘the emotional well-being wheel’. We need the basic fundamentals (food, water, shelter and healthcare/medicine (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs)), but in the western world these are readily available we just need to pay for them, and as we are not in a zombie apocalypse where it’s take what you can, we simply have to work. ‘Simply’ she says, believe me I know finding work that pays the bills is not so easy, but put into perspective at least we don’t have to walk miles for dirty water. We also need to then satisfy the mind, body, heart & soul. The later I have split out as they are distinctly different types of love that effect the soul, need different actions to get us to happy. It’s important to note they are all linked, and an imbalance or absence in one area can and often does effect other areas of the wheel. That is not to say we all want the same things in those boxes, we are unique and we don’t all want to get married, have kids etc. It’s what you want for each of those and are you happy you have what you want.
I should say it is my interpretation, and it is based on adults. It would look different for teenagers and children, so we are talking about adults here. Also to note I am in the UK and healthcare is thankfully free.
You might be saying that’s nice but what’s the point of stating the obvious. Well, one it is a good reminder and two I created it as a tool.
1. Sometimes, especially when we are stressed, panicked, sad, we forget these things. We all to often focus on one and accidently neglect the others. How many times do you hear people say they struggle with the work life balance. I lost it in covid, and I didn’t realise until this year quite how much I had lost it, emotionally. So, think about what you have in each sector, is it what you want? How happy are you? Then colour code each segment using a basic traffic light colour scheme:
- Green; everything is great exactly how I want it. Happy days! E.g. Physical well-being: everything is working OK, and I am doing the amount of regular exercise/ sports I want/ need to.
- Yellow; slightly off track to where I’d like it. E.g. Friends: I have great ones, but I haven’t seen then much lately.
- Red; Not happy, it’s all gone to shit. E.g. Love life: Lost the guy I love, tears & heartbreak.
You get the jist. But it makes us see that it is not all that bad. We have a lot good going on, and we just have to put the shit into perspective. Try not to panic just because one thing is red. I find annotating initially helps, remind you to focus on what you have not just what is missing/ not great. I occasional add an orange if I feel I have progressed a bit from red but not yet at yellow. Gives me a bit of incentive things are getting better in that area, just slowly.
2. Having done that set yourselves tasks/ actions to address those that are not green. Obviously turning yellows to greens is easier than reds, so there may be some easy wins. Easy wins make us feel good and get the motivation to work on the harder/ longer stuff. In the example above the task may simply be to arrange to go out with friends at the weekend and try to do that at least every month. Red ones clearly take a lot more thought and multiple actions, and they will take longer. The key is to try to do something towards the direction you want to go, no matter how small to help towards it. A multipart plan if you will.
A lot of us use to do lists, but they are normally things we have to do short term (chores or work items), but we do not necessarily encompass what our emotions need, so that’s the point of the wheel. It is a reminder and a tool to help us remember what we have, evaluate if we are happy and come up with a plan to stay in the green or get there if not.
Sounds simple and easy, and in theory it is, but emotions are complex, everything in the wheel can get interlinked, and when one section goes red it can drag the other areas down. Key thing to remember is we must not let it. We must not go to the end of the world disaster scenario. We gotta break it down into smaller bite sized pieces. Rome was not built in a day and the bigger the pile of crap thrown our way is, the longer it will take to get through it. The harder the emotional setbacks, the longer it will take to get back to happy. So long as you are doing something in at least one box, then you are making progress, and baby steps are good.
Life is what we make it, we can’t rely on others to give us what we want if we don’t know ourselves or try. If your struggling right now, maybe try it.
My plan is to run through each section of the wheel a bit more in the following weeks, then look at what makes us, us and how it can affect our problem solving/ decision making to come up with solutions to turn the reds around.
10 points to remember so far:
- You are not alone
- Shit hits the fan all the time and it happens to everyone
- There are probably people who are worse off
- It good to talk and show emotions it’s what makes us human
- You need to balance and maintain all elements of the wheel to be truly happy & love life
- Don’t loose site of the good things you have when you get hit with a red, keep perspective
- Fun is just as important don’t forget it as you get older and beaten down
- All elements of the wheel are linked and can have knock on effects
- You need to assess how happy you are in all sections of the wheel and come up with tasks to turn the yellows and reds around
- Who you are as a person, effects what happy looks like and how you deal with things, but we will cover that later
Looking for other posts in a theme area.
Always be you 